Life...sometimes.

I have been very quiet on my blog recently, sometimes life just stills you and for me writing anything has become almost impossible and that so includes this post.
 But I hate to see my little blog become one of those abandoned blogs that scatter the internet and frustrate you with their long past used by dates. So I have decided to write this to explain and hopefully give me a new start on the other side...please bare with me, this is from a sore heart...

 My step mum was diagnosed with terminal cancer on New Years Eve and since then we have been caring for her so she can spend the time she has in the comfort of the home she has loved for many years.

 Whilst I sit with her, the last 'grown up' in my world, (she has been my step mum for longer than either my mum or dad were alive to be my parents) she still has one last really important lesson for me. She is teaching me to live, I don't mean that to sound pretentious, I mean it in a humbling way...as death fades her quite literally before our eyes she is making me want to take the life I have and squeeze it like the precious thing it really is.

And so I have been taking a long hard look at my life and decided it needs shaking up a bit...now or never...

I know that we all have dreams and wishes that for many of us remain just that, something tucked away from the reality of life, to be escaped to when the need arises. My dream is not anything glamorous, it isn't about winning the lottery (hum), or about having a huge house, flash car or any of those things I stupidly thought mattered when I was young. For me it is now all about family, friends, surrounding myself with the people that matter and that pursuit of happiness or just that easy sense of contentment...to have the time to enjoy the simple things.  

With this thought very much in control of me I accepted a voluntary redundancy from a job that I have had for 12 years. A job that has offered me the stability of a reliable monthly pay packet. It has kept the mortgage paid so quite literally a roof over our heads right from my days as a single mum to where I am now in a happy relationship with a young son, step children, a grandchild even... so quite literally a lifetime! It would have terrified me only a little while ago to give up this job, the fear of those bills... but it is not the job of my dreams it doesn't make me happy... 

So now is the time to take one of my long buried 'dreams' and run with it. The dream I have of 'gardening' for a living, taking that secret garden from my childhood and turning it into something real...and to make that idea into something viable, to pay the bills doing something I love.

 I have started a horticulture course with the RHS and have been organizing some voluntary posts in beautiful gardens with the idea of surrounding myself with professional people who know what they are doing and who I can learn from. I have so much to learn!

 I'm not a 20 something bright young thing just starting out, nor do I have a partner with a secure wage that can keep those bills paid whilst I risk being penniless, neither am I naïve enough to think it will be easy. I am just looking at my lovely step mum and feeling finally brave enough to try because as that awful cliché says, life is just too damn short...wish me luck...

Sweet pea dilemmas...

I'm in a complete spin...a sweet pea spin...which sweetpeas?...do I want soft pastel shades or dark moody and dramatic...I just can't decide. I keep making lists then changing my mind and pretty soon if I don't get a move on it'll be too late! Arrgghhh.
 I did sow a few left over seeds that I had before Christmas because apparently they do better from an autumn sowing. They are sat in root trainers in my little plastic greenhouse and seem to be doing ok, I've pinched them out and they have multiple shoots now. We shall see which do better for me this year, the early or later sown ones.
I made the mistake last year of planting a few borage seeds around the sweet pea wigwams...those few seeds turned into a huge (quite beautiful) impenetrable wall that the poor little sweet peas couldn't even get a tendril over so this year I am planning to plant them mostly in their own glory well away from the borage anyway. However, I've seen deep purple sweet peas grown with purple podded peas and they looked amazing...so that might be at least one colour I can make a definite decision on as I'm growing Shiraz mangetout peas and Blauhilde climbing beans this year.
I don't think I can go too wrong whatever colour combination I decide on, they are all very beautiful and in the grand scheme of things worrying about the colour of your sweet peas seems so trivial but it's a nice distraction to have.

I'm also trying to decide which potatoes to grow, last year I grew 6 different types of Albert Bartlett potatoes to see which ones we preferred. I'm definitely sold on Anya, they are absolutely delicious salad potatoes, simply cooked fresh from the ground (great roasted too!) they were a family favorite and very prolific from only 6 tubers! The other variety we really liked were Purple Majesty, they weren't quite as successful as Anya but the ones we did get were really tasty and quite novel looking, though I wouldn't recommend them mashed...they go a very fetching shade of grey! They were quite hard to dig up though because their dark purple skins are almost impossible to spot in the soil!
 I might be about to learn a hard lesson though because this year it seems quite hard to find a source for the Purple Majesty as they seem to be very popular and have sold out on the sites I've looked at unless I want to buy a field full of them! The lesson being get in early for those more unusual things...especially if you see them popping up in celebrity chefs recipes!

Just realised from reading through this that I seem to have a bit of a purple theme running through my allotment this year...wonder if that means anything?

  

A bit of printing and crafting...

A long time ago when my hair was thick and didn't fall out, when I wasn't scared of a hangover, when I could function passed 10 o'clock at night and when I could be bothered to watch films that make no sense (with sub titles)...I also played at being an art student. I wasn't very good at it but I have an always had an urge to create things...I can hear my dad's snort of laughter here, 'yes, a mess'...well yes my creative urges have never been 'tidy.' Happier with clay and papier mache than neat palettes of water colours..I like getting my hands dirty. Probably one reason why I love gardening and my allotment, it's both creative an unavoidably filthy at the same time:)

Well I've recently discovered a new love in my seeming quest to never have perfect nails (Chris has bought me a nail brush, I find painting my nails a dark colour helps:) I've found linocut printing through a short workshop run by James Green...it was great fun and even though I don't believe my efforts are worthy of a decent frame (a clip-frame maybe) I was quite proud of my 'finished' print. My sister suggested that I need more practice...she's right (we believe in keeping it real in our family) I do need to learn more, so it's given me the perfect excuse to sign myself up for some classes in January at this great place called The Art House in Sheffield. It's nice to have something to look forward to whilst the evenings are still so dark...I can't get to the allotment after work so this seems like a good time to learn a new indoor skill.
It's the one form of printing I've never tried probably because I'm not so good with sharp objects but with practise I'm hoping to avoid any trips to A & E and to rediscover that long lost art student within...I won't be watching the Seventh Seal anytime soon though;)!

 

Another little Christmas craft project.

Turned into simple presents...the Rosemary smelt lovely too!

Garlic loves...snow...really?

When my garlic arrived very early in the morning in the post it felt like a sign (thank you lovely The Garlic farm!) then I looked outside. Snow...really?...did it have to be snow?! My free time ...I mean children, dog, work free time is barely in existence at the moment...my precious few hours to get to the allotment and it snows...of course it does...fine...I'll just get my gloves and hat, scarf...thermals.

 Anyway I went, yes it had snowed and yes it was stupidly, nose numbingly cold but the ground wasn't frozen yet and the sun actually came out, I can't say I was exactly basking in its warmth but it helped. I wittered about the broad bean plants I'd brought to plant out and the garlic I had...should I risk it? I decided that the weather will only get worst, my free time, the closer we creep to christmas even rarer, so I raked the snowy covering off the perfectly fine soil beneath and dug. It felt great to be planting things again...I love the anticipation of what will happen...moles, slugs, snails...frost, snow...or will it actually grow? We shall see...oh please let the elephant garlic grow...the cloves were massive...I'm guessing the plant ( fingers crossed) will be too.  There is a recipe (a nice simple one)...on the website that I bought the garlic from using elephant garlic to make crisps,  interesting idea:) It should keep a few blood suckers away...wonder if you eat them in the summer if it would keep the midges away? I feel an experiment coming on, I hate midges!...that is if it grows at all for me...

I really understand the idea of now being the beginning of the season rather than the end...even though things have definitely slowed down...the bindweed has gone to ground thankfully, though I know it's still there just waiting. The garlic and the beans are the first things I've planted for awhile and I was really happy with my fennel! I also bought some lovely garlic labels so have been able to mark the 4 different varieties properly in my quest to make sure that I label everything this year:) 

The whole time I was there I was under the close watch of a robin, he/she seemed very grateful for the bare ground I turned over and also for some strange reason my shed door being open. It kept flying inside I have no idea why perhaps to find somewhere slightly warmer...I had to double check when I locked up that it wasn't still in there.

So I had snow and a robin can't get much more seasonal than that!